The Hardest Part About Down Syndrome

We’ve been on the Down syndrome journey for almost 6 months, though I really believe we’ve been on it for more like 10 months (since the 20-week ultrasound last December when we found out about the very likely possibility of Down syndrome).  I feel like I’m at a really good place.  I love Daniel so much, it almost hurts.  It is an intensely fierce emotion that surprises me sometimes.  I don’t think I love him more than any of my other kids.  But it feels different.  And I love it.

Ten months ago, I was an emotional wreck.  The hardest part about Down syndrome – for me – was the initial shock.  The lifetime of emotions that came crashing down in an instant.  The fear.  The worry.  The feeling of loss.  All the questions that I needed an answer for. The mind can be a cruel thing at times.  I’ll never understand why it tends to bring up visions of the worst-case scenarios.  I lived my entire life in that moment, and all I could see was a life I no longer recognized.

Reality is so much better than the conjurings of a scared and overwhelmed mind.  Thank goodness for only living one day at a time!  The life I’m living now is a world away from the picture I had all those months ago.  And it’s good and happy and so very rich.  And I can’t even fathom not having Daniel – all 47 chromosomes of him – to enjoy it with.

(I just have to remind my crazy little mind to get back in line every once in a while!)