Tuesday, December 6, 2011

One Year Later

One year ago, we started the day blissfully unaware of what was waiting for us as Jared and I went to my routine mid-pregnancy ultrasound.  I was 19 weeks along in my pregnancy with Daniel.  I knew we were having a boy, and even told Jared, “Told ya!” when the ultrasound tech confirmed that the baby I was carrying was indeed a boy.


And then everything changed.  We went from the excitement of knowing we would be having another boy, to feeling devastated and broken.  A heart defect.  Enlarged brain ventricles.  Echogenic bowels.  With each new discovery, my stomach twisted and worry consumed me.  “I think your baby may have Down syndrome,” was the last thing I really remember.  Those words were like a clap of thunder in my soul.  My heart broke in that instant and a flood of tears poured from my eyes.  Suddenly, the baby I thought I was carrying was replaced by something else, someone else.  The hopes and dreams I had for this child were replaced by fear, disappointment, sorrow, anger.  I felt so completely overcome, as if someone had just thrown me into the depths of the raging sea, expecting me to swim back to shore.

But that was then.


And now, one year later, my heart has been healed.  Yes, I do worry about Daniel.  But I worry about my other four children as well.  I have moments of sadness…for every single one of my children.  I have hopes and dreams and expectations for Daniel…just as I do for each of my other children.  That sorrow and sadness has been replaced with an incredible love and happiness for this boy!  He has a very special hold on my heart and, dare I say, the hearts of everyone who know him.  Having a baby with Down syndrome is a great cure for a broken heart!


It has been a humbling blessing for me to be a part of Daniel’s life.  His strength is incredible, his determination enviable.  And the pure love that emanates from his is intoxicating.


To the me of one year ago, I wish I could say, “Just wait.  You won’t believe what an incredible blessing is coming to you.  You can’t begin to comprehend how amazing it will be.  You have no idea how lucky you are!”


One year later, life is good.  Really good.

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