Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Story of Daniel–{31 for 21}

I’m not sure if I’ve ever told this story here.  If you’ve heard this before, forgive me!  I think it’s a pretty significant story and I hope my family will always remember it.

After Caleb was born –  a short 13 months after the most terrifying birth experience I could ever have imagined – I was pretty sure our family was complete.  Pregnancy had not been an easy thing for me.  After delivering my first baby (a 9 pounder!), the doctor had a difficult time getting my bleeding to stop.  During my second pregnancy, I developed high blood pressure and spent several weeks on bedrest (with a nearly-two-year-old running around).  While in labor, I experienced cord prolapse and had my first very emergent (as in knock me completely out) c-section.  During my third pregnancy, I developed complete placenta previa, which means the placenta attached itself over my cervix.  At 35 weeks I had a major hemorrhage and was forced to deliver 5 weeks early.  Along with losing enough blood to need a transfusion, I had a newborn in the NICU who was struggling to breathe.  My pregnancy with Caleb was bearable, aside from contractions that started too early and being in the hospital several times because of continued contractions.  Because I had already had placenta previa, the first few months of each subsequent pregnancy were terribly unnerving as we waited to see where the placenta would be.  You can see why I thought I was DONE!

At some point after Caleb was born (I really don’t remember when it was, but I know he wasn’t even a year old yet), I had an experience that got me thinking perhaps we were missing someone.  I won’t go into great detail, as it is an extremely sacred experience, but the thought was there.  And it was a thought I tried to dismiss for a long time.  I kept saying, “No.  I can’t do this again.  I’m done.”  And the thought would make its way to the furthest corners of my mind, only to resurface again days or weeks later.  I honestly did my best to not entertain the idea, as I knew it would only grow and consume me if I did.  I was scared.  I was tired.  I had a plan and this definitely wasn’t part of it!!

I had a nap one Saturday afternoon, late in the summer of 2010.  When I awoke, I had tears in my eyes and I knew.  I knew with absolute certainty that there was another person that needed to be part of our family.  I was terrified and worried about another pregnancy, but I knew this needed to be.  I found Jared, and tearfully told him what I was feeling.  I will never forget the way he looked at me, with the most comforting, soft, loving eyes I have ever seen.  After a big hug, he said he’d known for quite some time that we were missing someone.  He wanted to let me come to that realization on my own and was willing to patiently wait for my heart to soften.  (So that’s why he was always pointing out babies in crowds and commenting about how cute they were!)

I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knew what I needed and was patient while I overcame my stubbornness.  Because of this experience, I know with every part of me that Daniel was meant to be part of our family.  It was an anchor of peace as I struggled to come to terms with the likelihood that he would have Down syndrome.  It is a sweet reminder of how important and precious Daniel is, not just to us, but also to our Heavenly Father.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this Heather. It really touched my heart, and gave me peace about questions that have been weighing on my mind.